On Mother's Day ...

I always wanted to be a mother. But when I was younger, I lumped it in with all the other titles I hoped would be mine someday – wife, friend, career-woman, mother. I thought it would be something I could juggle into my well-balanced life. I had no idea that motherhood would be so life-changing. So defining.

Every year on Mother's Day I reflect on what motherhood truly means to me. I reflect on my own mother who gave up so much to be probably the world's most perfect mother. She poured her life into me and my brothers. She suffered the deepest loss imaginable – a  loss that could've crippled her emotionally and sent her into the depths of despair – and yet somehow through her grief she kept her focus on us. She showed me what it looks like to trust God's plan even when it makes no sense. To trust His love even when you feel forsaken. I'm so blessed to have grown up completely secure in her unconditional love. I hope I am half the mom to my children that she is to me.

On Mother's Day I reflect on the mother of my husband. Scott has always told me she's one of the strongest women he knows. She has not had the easiest life – for Heaven's sake, she raised three rambunctious boys! But just looking at the character of those three speaks volumes about what kind of mother she is. Her selflessness is reflected in the calendar filled with baby-sitting appointments for her seven grandchildren. I am so grateful for a mother-in-law who loves me like a daughter and spoils my children unmercifully!

On Mother's Day I reflect on my children. 

Each one is such a gift. 

Infertility and loss taught me nothing if not to cherish my children – never, ever taking them for granted. 

Not a day passes that I don't thank God for trusting me to raise them and marvel at the way He brought each one to me. 

I could never repay God for this gift of motherhood, but I'll spend my entire life trying. 

The only way I can think to do this is by loving them from the depths of my heart and living as an example of Christ's love for them.

On Mother's Day I reflect on three mothers who I won't be able to take out to lunch or hug today. But they are in my heart and I will eternally owe them a debt of gratitude. They are the three brave and selfless women who chose life for their babies. One I'll never meet, but she lovingly chose a safe place to leave her newborn daughter so that she'd be found and have a chance at finding a forever family. Two of them looked at my picture in a book and chose me to mother the baby boys they were not able to mother themselves. They were praying for impossible answers and so was I. And we were each others' miracles. The moments I spent with these two women were some of the most sacred of my life. Not a Mother's Day will go by that I won't think of them and honor them by loving their babies well.

And on Mother's Day I reflect on the 147 million children in this world who do not know the love of a mother. These children of every age, race, and nationality go to bed each night without a mommy to tuck them in or read the same story over and over. No mommy to kiss their hurts or bake them cookies. No mommy to take them swimming or cheer wildly for them in the stands or teach them the love of a Savior. This is a burden I cannot ignore. And while I have been reminded that "I can't save them all," I do know Someone who can. ;)

Love to all this Mother's Day!

Humbled

This is an incredible time in the adoption process. In many ways it's the hardest. We have done all the paperwork (for the time being) and all we can do is wait. We study three pictures of a little girl, trying to memorize every feature and wondering if she'll look the same in person. Will we know her instantly? And of course, we can pray for her – for safety, health, peace, and assurance that her mommy and daddy are coming.

Another incredible thing about this part of the journey is watching God prove His faithfulness through the generosity of our family, friends, and even complete strangers.

When God began speaking to us about adopting from China, we started saving like crazy. But when we felt it was time to really begin the process, we weren't finished saving all the money we needed.  I was so afraid to take those first steps, not knowing for sure if we would be able to meet all the expenses. But we felt certain He was asking us to step out on faith. Having to rely on God's provision requires letting go of pride.  It's much easier to say "yes" when you know you can handle everything without help. It is very frightening to realize you have come to the "end of yourself" – the end of your capabilities and the end of your resources.

But this is where we need to be to truly understand our deep need for God. Never have I sought Him so diligently as when I really can't go a step further without Him. And though He has NEVER failed me, I am always blown away by His mercy and faithfulness. I am blown away by the people He is using to bless us.

God promised to provide ... and I believed Him. But still, when I open the mail to find a check from a friend, or I get an email that someone has bought a t-shirt to help with our adoption expenses, or my precious Bible study group hands me the offering they've been collecting for weeks, I am brought to tears with gratitude. And I see the simple truth. God is SO MUCH BIGGER than my resources.

It is really hard to ask others for help. I sometimes wish God would handle this between me and Him. That way I wouldn't have to bother anyone else with our needs. But I'm having to learn that it's not all about me. Yes, I am being changed, strengthened, humbled. But He has a bigger purpose than just strengthening my faith. And I believe He even has a bigger purpose than rescuing an orphan. If I were the only one who had a stake in this child's life, then so many others would miss out on the blessing of being used by God. Every person whose heart is pricked to help us in this journey or to lift our daughter in prayer gets to be a part of this miracle story. And God. Is. Glorified.

I hope you'll pray with us as we work on raising the last of our expenses – $8500 for traveling to China to get our sweet girl. We don't know the dates for sure, but we are hoping it will be sometime late this summer. We will be selling Show Hope adoption T-shirts for a few more weeks. They are a lightweight material and really comfortable. You can purchase by clicking on the T-shirt link. We have also set up a donation website. You can donate directly to our "Charlotte Fund" by going here or clicking on the button that says "Donate with WePay" and following the instructions. You will never know how much it means to have your support on this journey. Know that you are storing up treasures in Heaven, though, as you pray for this child and help bring her home!

Three

Three years ago  

I was peering into this little face for the first time...

Captivated.

God did the unimaginable. He surprised us with a baby. And that was no easy task, as adoption takes

 planning, waiting, and work (trust me ... we're experiencing that right now!) Until a few weeks before 

his birth, we had no idea this baby was coming. But God did. 

We'd prayed for this child. But only God knew the circumstances that would bring him into our lives.

I could not have dreamed up a more perfect child for our family. 

So easy-going, 

sensitive,

talkative and animated,

independent, 

and SWEET.

I could not possibly love him more. 

I love that he still lets me rock him,

and smother him with kisses.

And though it's sometimes exasperating (and messy), I love that he's so sure of himself. From the time 

he learned to walk he'd figure out a way to get what he wanted – almost like he didn't want to bother 

anyone by asking for help. And I learned to keep the snacks on the top shelf!

I love that it doesn't take much to make this boy happy ... 

which makes it that much more fun to do things just for him.  

Sweet Bryce, I will thank God every day of my life for the privilege of calling you SON.

You are a treasure.

Happy 3rd Birthday!

Shirts, Shirts, and More Shirts!

Here's a little faith, hope, and love from our family to yours! 

To support our adoption (and become the proud owner of one of these awesome shirts) click on the t-shirt link and start shopping! Each purchase gets us a little closer to our girl! THANK YOU!!

Shirts of Hope

We have officially launched our first fundraiser! We are selling Shirts of Hope through Steven Curtis Chapman's Show Hope and Adoption Bug! Just click on the link and choose one (or two) for everyone in your family! We are so excited for you to be a part of this amazing journey with us, and purchasing a shirt is a great way to do that! Thanks so much for your support!

Isn't She Lovely?

~Meet Charlotte~

Last Tuesday morning (March 20) at around 8:00 we got the phone call we've been waiting for! My heart started pounding and I ran to the computer to get my first look at the child who has been in my heart for 2 years. It was so surreal to see this actual little person! We had 72 hours to pray, take her file to our pediatrician, and send back the paperwork to accept her. I was thinking as I rushed to the doctor's office with her file that there wasn't anything he could say that would change my mind about her! :) We also took her file to a cardiologist because her special need is a heart murmur which has already been repaired with surgery in China. The sweet receptionist on the phone told me it was my "lucky day" because the cardiologist is only in the local office one day a week ... and it was today! By the end of the day we had received a personal phone call from our pediatrician. He spent time discussing all the details of her file with me and told me she looked healthy. We also heard back from the cardiologist that day. By the next afternoon our paperwork was sent and we began waiting for pre-approval (PA) from China.

Over the next few days I read her file over and over and over – just trying to learn everything you can know about a person from three pictures and a few pages of information. :) And God began to connect a few dots for me. The first time I ever called the China program coordinator from my agency was March 2010. We read the information she sent and prayed ... not really sure what direction to take. On May 26, 2010 I emailed to say that God was stirring our hearts through stories of other families and through lots of prayer. We didn't have the green light to get started, but we were committed to keep seeking God's direction. Our baby was born 5 days later on May 31.

I'm not a patient person. In fact I can be pretty impulsive once I get an idea. With each of my other adoptions, things moved very fast ... just the way I like them. But this time, I did not get peace about moving forward for almost a whole year. Last April 17, I was sitting in worship at church and just feeling the presence of the Lord so strongly. Without thinking I wrote something down on a scrap of paper in my Bible. I wrote word for word what I sensed God saying to me. "If you want to experience ME ... know more about ME, Go GET HER. James 1:27"

We started the process right after that. We knew it would be a long wait. I was pretty calm about the whole thing. I asked God to ordain every circumstance. I felt that if there was a snag or a hold-up in the process, He had a reason for it. But a few weeks ago, without warning, I just lost my patience. I had a sense of urgency that I really haven't had this whole year. I even told my program coordinator I didn't know if it was God's prompting or my own impatience, but that dossier HAD TO GO. It got to China just a little too late for the previous list of children that were made available. But just in time for this list. The one with her on it.

In January 2011 (way before we even applied with our agency or talked to the kids about adopting from China) Jackson had an unusual prayer request in Awana. He asked his class to pray for his baby sister. His teacher asked if he meant his big sister? But he was insistent that they needed to pray for his baby sister. As I was reading Charlotte's medical report I noticed that her heart surgery was in December of 2010. Afterward she had to spend 20 days in the ICU. She needed prayer.

Some people might think these events are coincidences – or at the least a stretch to try and make them fit together the way I want them to. But what prompted me to write these seemingly insignificant things down in my journal over the past two years? Why did God direct my attention to the dates on the first of over one hundred emails related to this adoption? He wants to prove His sovereignty. He wants me to know He's answered my prayers. He wants me to know when I wonder if she's really my daughter ... she is.

Exciting Times

So many of you know the AWESOME news that we got our REFERRAL!!! It came last Tuesday morning at exactly the same time that my sweet baby nephew was being born! We can't wait to share info and pictures, but are waiting for pre-approval from China. So until then ... just know ... God is SO GOOD and continuing to reveal Himself so mightily through all our circumstances!!