Thursday, September 22, 2011

It Seemed Good to Me

Don't you just love it when something brand new is revealed to you from scripture? Maybe even from a verse you've just glazed right over for years, and then suddenly ... new revelation! This morning I was at Bible study (and had my socks blessed off, by the way), and we were studying the concept of divinely inspired scripture. Something Beth Moore pointed out from the book of Luke really stood out to me. Luke 1:3 says, "Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you ..." It seemed good to me? Do you ever feel like God accomplishes His purposes in spite of humans? I mean Luke was most definitely a capable, meticulous doctor who wrote an incredibly thorough, historically accurate, God-inspired account of Jesus' life. But why? And maybe he knew by the time it was complete. Starting out, though, it just seemed good to him.

I wonder how many times God works in our lives through us without us even being aware of the significance of the circumstances? On the way home from Bible study, I was reminded of an example in my life. It has to do with my son's name. Jackson.

The year Jackson was born was one of those that can go down on the books as one of the best and worst years of my adult life. About 8 months before Jackson was born, I had gotten pregnant. This was no small thing, mind you. We had been dealing with infertility for a year and a half. Had been seeing a fertility specialist for testing. Had been praying for a miracle. And there it was. I just knew this was going to be my big "God testimony!" A video clip of this testimony – about how God provides in His time, in exactly the right way – was shown at a women's conference at my church. What a blessing to be able to give God the glory ... and then go on about my regularly scheduled life.

The very next week, my doctor told me the baby had no heartbeat.

What now, God? I decided I would no longer contribute to working out the problems in my life (as if I ever had any control in the first place!). I decided to wait for God. I did not go back to the fertility specialist. I did not call an adoption agency (I already had an appointment to meet with someone before the pregnancy. I'm telling you ... I wanted to help God fix things!).

I just waited. And during the next six months, it appeared things got worse. There was a cloud of uncertainty surrounding us about our house and Scott's job.  I cannot tell you why I did this, other than that God was in control, but I called a principal friend of mine to ask if there were any teaching jobs available. Not only was there a job, but within a matter of days it was mine. I started that school year feeling so forsaken. It seemed I was trading my dream – a new baby and being a stay-at-home-mom – for a full-time job and public pre-k for my daughter. And everywhere I went I met pregnant women whose due dates were THE SAME as mine. I can literally recall 4 right off the top of my head right now.

Well, over the course of about 3 months, God set in motion a chain of events that led to the adoption of our son. I tried to follow God's leading without taking over, and even the people who came into the picture to help us with the process came through Scott. Not me. God is good! And He DOES provide in HIS time, in exactly the right way – right down to that job I thought I didn't want or need to give us the financial means to complete an adoption so quickly.  And this time ONLY HE could get any glory whatsoever, because He truly worked out every detail.

But, that's not all. God ministered to me so deeply through even the smallest detail. His name. We picked the name Jackson when we found out we were getting a baby boy. No reason, really. It just sounded good to me. It was over two years later that I really started wondering what his name meant. When I looked it up, it meant "son of Jack." Hmm. Okay? So I looked up Jack. It said "derived from John or Jacob." Now this is good. John means God's gracious gift – and oh, was he ever. That alone was enough to bring me to tears. But Jacob means supplanter ... or SUBSTITUTE. Now, don't get me wrong here. My son is not a consolation prize or second best. But that HOLY GOD would look upon me in my deepest sorrow ... and give me His most gracious gift ... HIS substitute for the precious baby I lost within the same month that he or she was due ... and give me that name without me even having knowledge of it's meaning ... well, that's miraculous. What God has in store to substitute for what we think is best, is ALWAYS better. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9

Now that's what I call a GRACIOUS GIFT.


  1. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I LOVE the meanings of names and I truly think God gives us the names of our children, as he did for you! Love the pictures!

  2. I love reading the words of your heart. Although I have been a distant witness to your life...I love getting in on the details. Your story about Jackson is both raw and refreshing. God is so good, girl! I'll testify with you anytime. We will so miss you next week!!!